Today is 3/29/25. Saturday. I was first brought to the hole, getting ready for Juma, on Friday the 28th of February. I was given no cause nor warning. When they took me, they stole my envelopes and address book, my copy of the zine that was made of some blog posts, and my request to be on Snake River’s [SRCI] list for our Eid meal after Ramadan.
You are supposed to be allowed to take your address books and envelopes to the hole with you, that’s standard. That’s why people who expect to do hole time, like activists, we carry these things. I always walked around with at least 6 envelopes and my address books. Cuz I know the drill. It’s isolation within isolation. They want to whisk you away and trap you on a desert island till your dying day. Or your brain decays, whichever comes LAST.
Everywhere I went, they tried to tell me NOT to have them. Why, despite there being no rule against it? Cuz they want you isolated. So of course, I keep them on me anyway.
They stole them, then got mad when they were processing me into intake for not saying I DIDN’T have them. I did. They kept pressing me to say I didn’t, even though they took them. Of course, my refusal to comply sent them railing. I later filed a grievance which was “Returned for corrections,” accompanied with my envelopes and address books. I took it as, “Here, leave it alone.” I acquiesced because I was sure that was only a mild fight, and more was in store. I choose my battles.
I was in the hole without answers until 3/7/25, when I got notice I was “under investigation.” For what, it did not say. They requested a hold for 90 days. On the 9th, I got a disciplinary review that told me my “crime” was “allegedly” organizing a general strike at SRCI. Their whole supposed “evidence” apparently rested on a “CI” (confidential informant, aka “snitch”) and a paper one of my friends had written articulating changes he’d like to see at SRCI. Vague and inconsequential. I was writing proposals for special interest groups and programs for inmates at SRCI as it has NONE. It is desolate and remote, racist and confrontational, from ALL sides, even the “counselors.” The “mental health” staff are probably the second worst humans in the institution.
But I’ll get to that in a second. The next day, 3/10/25, I had my hearing for my “investigative” hold. Because ANY request for longer than 30 days HAS to have substantial reason. The pig during the hearing said, “I don’t see grounds for a 90 day hold, especially since you got your disciplinary review already.” (His words, remember.) So he dropped the investigation.
I did not have a hearing for the disciplinary review until the 19th, the day my lawyer came to visit, hoping I’d be out of the hole by then. Evidence of their intent to hinder my legal representation. Nothing new. I just feel bad she came all the way out to this Klan land, just to see me behind glass again, after the last year of it. Further hindrance was them “accidentally” taking me to the wrong room. I was waiting, cuffed to a wall for about five minutes, before they came back and said, “Oh, wrong room, sorry.” Then made show of fumbling with the keys, acting like they didn’t work.
When they brought me to Lauren [my lawyer], they refused to open the pass slot, as is a right for attorney client privilege. Their response was simple: “We were told not to for you.” Then they left. Mind you, the pass slot was open in the previous room I was in.
But moving on, or back, at the hearing, after reading my statement, which will be released, the pig said, “I want you to know, despite you getting your disciplinary review on the 9th, I did not receive it until the 12th, and I had to review the ‘evidence,’ which is why it took me so long.” Then he found me guilty of “unauthorized organization” and “disturbance.”
How? If A. the paper is NOT mine (as he clearly pointed out that the handwriting was different), B. the paper mentioned NOTHING of a “strike” on “April 16th” as alleged, C. my papers were full of proposals and programs, labeled as such AND to boot were presented to the counselor and the head of the special interest groups liaison. Yuraguen and whatever the white lady’s name was, they had full knowledge of what I was doing — NOT planning a strike.
I said as much, and he said, “Well, the CI says you were.” So I asked to hear WHAT the CI said, as is my right. He would not tell me. He gave me 30 days, and 30 days loss of privileges [LOP].
LOP is nothing more than the hole on “mainline,” same thing, except you get to walk to get your food. But no phone, no tablet, same cell, same racist pigs, and isolation, still. Same hell.
I immediately filed a request for review with the Inspector General, on the grounds that the facts and merits of my case were unsubstantiated. On the 25th, nearing my release from the hole on the 29th, I got notice I was in P-5 status. Saying I’m being remanded for IMU 180 day “Intensive Management Unit.” Segregation. The SHU [Segregated Housing Unit] under another 3 letters. Like “RAGE” and “DOGE,” “Yarvin” and “Musk,” the Klan, the state, and pigs go hand in hand, an extension of the state’s bromance with white supremacy, patriarchy, and oppression.
The order was put in 3/2/25. Two days after I got in the hole. Two days before I even got a disciplinary review, twenty three days before I got found guilty of anything. And twenty five days after the order was given. I later found out that it was JUST the day before (Tuesday the 29th) that the SNIEC Committee (Special Needs Inmate Evaluation Committee) decided that I was going to IMU. You’re supposed to receive notice, so you can write the SNIEC or request a review. I got notice that I was BEING considered the day AFTER it was already decided. It’s their dirty game. As a soldier, I lick my wounds and struggle on. Pick my battles.
I filed my request for review. I wrote the Inspector General for my review, and I filed grievances. None will go anywhere cuz this place is a bunch of “good ol’ boys,” backwater stick hicks, and the “Inspector General” sides with the oppressor every time. So, “fine,” I’ll get MINE on the back end in litigation. In raising awareness and documentation.
But yesterday and today are what invoked me to act. I can NOT, and I WILL not take disrespect of my religion. I am Mujahideen, which means fighting FOR the weak and oppressed with EVERYTHING you have. “Beat back the oppressors whenever you find them!”
Yesterday 3/28/25, I received a kyte from Chapelain “Suh,” who has been a bastard since I got here. “Suh” is an Asian man, a Christian, not a Muslim. YET he is in charge of the Muslims, with zero knowledge of Islam and blatant contempt for it.
Every facility has chaplains for every religion. They have texts (religious doctrine), special package authorizations, etc. They are free to practice their faith as they see fit. Not us. Muslims get an ineffectual, effete debutant who loathes our very existence. While Christians have a plethora of books to choose from, Jews, Satanists, Buddhists, spiritualists, Muslims are given one. It’s NOT a Quran. It’s not a substitute for a Quran. No. It is a mere subjective translation of selected passages by one Muslim scholar. Not to discredit his fine work, but it is NO Quran. There is but one Quran. It has not once been replicated, as you cannot regenerate such a perfect text.
So we don’t get real Qurans. Me, I have one from all the way back in county, when I had it sent to me. So it has made it, as well as my Tajweed. I requested while I was in the hole to get my real Quran. His response, “Forward to security.” I asked “security” DSU stait [?] who ignored me. I filed a grievance. I tipped when the chaplain yesterday told me I would NOT get the Eid meal because I did not turn in the form for requests. This despite the fact that it was taken from me the day I came to the hole AND I told him in a kyte! So I was furious.
Today, they came to my cell and told me to get up cuz I’m getting out. I was in disbelief and told them to check cuz they’re wrong. They still said I had to go, they refused to take my Ramadan snack with. They gave NO explanation. So I said fuck it, I grieve it. They got me as far as processing before saying, “Oh no, you’re staying. The Lieutenant [McClean] said so, my bad.”
They brought me back, and I asked, will my fucking food still be there? He said yea. When I got back, this racist, horrible, bar mustache, balding Klansman said he was throwing it all away. I, of course, protested and told him that’s my Ramadan food. To which he replied, “Ramadan’s over, sorry.” I informed him it’s NOT, and even if it were, I have a right to my food.
He said, “You’re not supposed to have it after Ramadan.” I said that’s NOT an OAR doc rule, I know, and I’ve been a Muslim all my life, so I know it’s a religious law. (Cuz they always think that we can’t eat ANYTHING but the sacks they give us when I’m fasting. The specific request meal is Eid when NOT fasting, we can eat whatever. And I know when Ramadan is over.) His retort was, “I don’t give a fuck what you’ve been all your life, I promise you.” Of course, that was the straw.
I, in so many words, asked him to “clarify” himself and tell me what the actual fuck HE promised ME cuz I KNOW that I can whoop his ass and cut through those two other pigs to do it, all while still cuffed. The pig slammed me against the wall and said, “Listen, don’t do it, please. He’s not worth it.”
Ordinarily, I don’t give a FUCK about what a pig says. But I didn’t hear him, then I heard my lover, Devin, my friend Hay Bales, Chris, JP, Mo, Lauren, Madds and Madi, Kate, Kat, Amir, Rio, and so I did not do what I wanted. I thought about it, on the verge of tears. How DARE I call myself a “Mujahideen,” if I won’t defend my religion? I wrote furiously. Then I calmed down.
I remembered an important fact. Ramadan is NOT over. I will not let these racist fucking hicks ruin my blessings. Nor my relationships. However, I still feel the need to act.
[Regarding the Eid meal sign up] They refused everyone else, they refuse blacks the fastest. They pretend they don’t hear us and speed walk through the unit at 6am, holding their keys quietly because that’s the only time you can sign up. If you’re not up, you don’t get it. If you’re black, they say, “they didn’t hear you,” or, as they did with me today, they curse and try to goad you into “giving them a vocation.”
If they could kill us, they would for sport. They’d spit on us for pleasure. They ARE the Nazis at the work camps. They are the ones herding people to the “showers,” they’re the ones keeping your mail and you hostage. Stripping you out. Taking what little you have. They’re the ones who will beat you bloody, then go home and laugh, talking to their wives about work or their friends about the game. Drinking a beer, then going back to sadistic torture. They are some of the worst human beings on Earth.
So back to that, I created a proposal for a peer companion/mentorship counselor program, which involved schooling for aspiring counselors, therapists, etc. to get clinician hours, and on the job training, working for BHS [mental health services] here. Also earning degrees to take to the streets and help guys in here. Cuz no matter what, you only know what it’s like if you lived it.
Others can empathize, those who care, like people who do prisoner solidarity relationships. But BHS can’t even do that. They barely sympathize. They hold hate in their heart and contempt, too. Be wary of ANY who step in the oppressor’s shoes or stands next to them, claiming to “HELP” you. BHS does little EVERYWHERE, and much less than nothing here at Snake River. No. See, they are on the oppressor’s side. Right next to them in bed. Literally and metaphorically. We NEED better mental healthcare. The “counselors” might as well abhor you, you know they don’t care. They do… What do they do? Especially at a facility with NO programs? What could they possibly be doing all day? Standing in the hallway, talking up the wall. Literally, that’s where you can find them, talking up the wall. With taxpayer dollars.
But of course, taxpayers pay for the violence inflicted on us day and night, that doesn’t disturb them. Counselors, BHS, medical. These “professionals” are the scum of the Earth, the bottom of the barrel. See, the pigs can ONLY hold this job. They’re racist and not smart. But individuals with degrees, master’s degrees, clinicians, doctors, people with essential skills, they thrust themselves into debt for… how far can you fall to work here? You couldn’t even be a school counselor or therapist? You couldn’t be a REAL nurse? You couldn’t be a real doctor or prescriber? So THIS is where you landed. I don’t believe in “useless” degrees, I believe in useless people. These people are useless. These nurses lack the care essential for a hospital, there’s no semblance of bedside manner or any care. Same with the doctors. BHS and counselors, too. Not useless degrees or professions. Useless, feckless people.
So please call, write, yell at the Inspector General Rowley and Lieutenant Joseph McClean, the hearings officers, the Special Needs Inmate Evaluation Committee, Counselor Yuraguen, the special interest groups coordinator, chaplain “Suh,” all the chaplains for their feckless hatred for us Muslims. DSU staff, “Rainwater” or “Handlebar Hick,” put a spotlight on these fucks. Make them uncomfortable. Until they put me on the Eid meal list. Until they get me my one, true Quran. Until they bring my Tajweed with it. Until the SHU is under scrutiny here, too, as the racist fucking hell it is.
“I am always motivated by the actions of my enemies. When I make them uncomfortable, I know I’m doing something right.” — said an awesome person. I gotta make them uncomfortable again.